In the eyes of his critics, the sin of Harrison Butker’s recent commencement speech at Benedictine College was amplifying the role his wife plays in their home, while giving insufficient attention to the contributions women make in the workplace. Their reactions provide a perfect opportunity for Christians to consider the ideals we promote to women in discussions about marriage, family, and work.

To put things in biblical terms, it is far easier to uphold the wife in Proverbs 31 than the one described in Titus 2.

The wife and mother in Proverbs 31:10-31 is called “excellent” and compared to precious jewels. She “considers a field and buys it,” and her craftsmanship and industriousness are validated in the marketplace. She is praised by her family and celebrated for her wisdom and kindness.

All of these are positive traits. Every woman should strive to cultivate them, and any man would be blessed to marry a woman who exhibits them. There is nothing wrong with the virtues described in the text.

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The problem is what a culture that worships mammon, rejects sex, redefines marriage, devalues life, and diminishes the home draws from the text. A society that constantly bombards women—including Christian women—with messages of “self-love” can quickly transform a biblical archetype of a loving, industrious wife into a modern independent girlboss.

The women described in Titus 2:3-5 are just as dedicated to their families, but the emphasis on their relationships and home lives is far more likely to offend modern feminist sensibilities. Just consider the uproar about that recent commencement speech.

The Titus text reads: “Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.”

Harrison Butker never suggested women shouldn’t work outside the home. He received backlash for publicly praising his Titus 2 wife in a culture that has been catechized in feminist doctrine for over 60 years. When asked “what is the chief purpose of the home,” the general response in our society is not “to be the hub of God-honoring spiritual, economic, educational, and social activity.” To the chief evangelists of feminism like Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan, marriage shackles women and the home imprisons them.

While it is easy for conservatives to point a finger at radical feminists for ruining the family, the truth is that men also need the right archetype if the biblical design for the home is to be fully actualized. Titus 2 women will not thrive if men who claim to have “traditional” values reject the duties assigned to them in Ephesians 5:25-30 by the God who designed human beings and defines marriage.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.

This emphasis on love and spiritual leadership sounds strange in a secular culture where a “high-value” man is defined more by earning potential than godly character. While the Bible is clear that a man is responsible for providing for his household, he is far more than just a paycheck. A husband who takes a job that pays slightly less to spend more time with his family is making an investment in his marriage and children that cannot be measured in simple monetary terms.

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The tension between biblical roles and cultural expectations for men and women must be reconciled if Christians want our home lives to flourish and our faith to be passed down to future generations. American women have been told they can have it all—a thriving career and a flourishing home life—at the same time. This makes many feel like failures at both. American men are increasingly being sold on the notion that a wife and family are burdens to be avoided, not blessings to be enjoyed.

A truly pro-family culture will never take root if men consider the vocations of husband and father inferior to their titles at work. Likewise, the family will suffer if a woman sees serving her boss in the office as empowering but serving her husband and children at home as oppressive. A healthy home requires love, order, discipline, selflessness, forgiveness, fidelity, patience, and understanding.

The last thing our society needs is more naked selfishness, whether that comes from feminist scolds on the left or Christ-less “red-pill” influencers on the right.